Thoughts are intriguing things...I've spent hours contemplating words, yes words. Don't ask why but words always fascinate me. Why do we say "bye-bye" and why is with spelled like that? But besides trying to create meaning to these thoughts, I've had other deep intellectual debates with myself.
Over spring break, I've come to realize how godless America has become. The shows they have a complete trash..and addicting, I'll admit, but why? Seriously, do we really need to be concerned about what Lindsey Lohan wore while she went clubbing? Do we need to have complete strangers go through our bedrooms to see if we'd be the one they'd go on a date with? Who really cares about America's Next Top Model? You want wholesome models who didn't starve themselves look at Audrey Hepburn and her era. Why is our society so obsessed with being beautiful and skinny? And why are those two words always connected? Who decided this? Why do we want to be documented on live television? To be famous? Is that why? Why do we mock the innocent and pure and uplift the daring and risque ones? Because they're daring? I can be daring, I just choose not to.
The wise old owl from Bambi was indeed right when he sagely said that spring was a time for romance. Twitterpation abounds. Not that I mind watching people hold hands, but when nearly every couple you see is doing it? Only time will tell how much damage the emotional trauma of watching this will be in my life =)
I read something. And it almost made me cry. Almost. I caught myself. Which is stupid because no one else was in the room with me. But whatever. It clearly depicated my life and how very few actually understand me...or how little I understand myself... I have spent countless hours quiet even though I wanted to speak up, all because I am still trying to sort through the mess of ideas swirling around in my head. Things I wish people understood about me and things I wish they wouldn't stare at. I have sat through numerous chapels, biting my tongue and mentally trying to stop from thinking negatively...but to be honest, there is a big part of me that is screaming
How can you say that?! YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT!
But then I remember where I am. and it makes me furious. So I've shut up. I've stopped telling people about my home until I'm sure that they won't freak. And when it slips out too soon, I mentally kick myself for isolating myself. yet again. People think I'm shy. Those that actually know me know otherwise. I'm quiet. If I don't you then I am observing you. Because my whole life has been a huge bowl of observation. Sorry, it's programed in. I will watch.
Deal with it.
So tomorrow, because it is blissfully warm out, I will be going to class in a kente wrapskirt. Because I miss my family,
because I want to,
because I'm different,
because I'm me.
