Waiting.

So here I am. Waiting. Actually, I'm waiting for my laundry and trying not to pass out. But that is something for another time. If it ever gets put up here because frankly the knowledge of this blog's existence is highly doubted. But it makes me feel better knowing I can write...type...whatever.

The past 4 weeks of my life have been an emotional rollercoaster but the week before school started I found myself seeing bits and pieces of home being tossed into my life.

Like smiling really big when I heard Fox's ringtone being played in Applebees. Walking through OfficeMax with my mom and laughing uncontrollabley at the office plaques that state "Office", "Women's Restroom", "In a meeting", and "Do not enter". Watching wide-eyed at the all the white people in Walmart and wondering why there are so many. Realizing that I am my brothers' sister when I watched (while I was ice-skating) a boy about Eric's age skate back to the warming house saying that "he need to warm up" to which I immediately thought "wimp", which actually sounds mean but considering how I was always considered a loser or wimp growing up if I quit early, I think this is justified.

Being at school. This has proved more harder than just being away. I find myself wishing I wish Kayla were here to sing "Grease" with me, I need Wylee to sing "Apologize" to me...because I need a break from people, I want Melinda here so I sing "Moulin Rouge" and so we can laugh and talk about the boy hero, Edward Cullen, and music, I need Candra so we can talk about everything, Wouldn't Ben have loved this?, I need a hug from someone...I'll take anyone, I wish my brothers were here to tease me without mercy, I wish Fox were here so we could have deep intellectual brain fights, I wish.....
but then I remember that I'm supposed to be here. by myself. to start a new adventure. but this is hard. very hard. I'm pretty sure no one told me this would be easy. It's only been a week, it takes time to form relationships. Or at least, that's what I keep telling myself. Oh, I've made a few friends, but I haven't got to the point of familiarity that I could just collapse in their arms in laughter or tears. I'm still looking for that group who just gets it. they know. more importantly, they want to know. They're mindset and attitude don't change after they find out my crazy life. Because shockingly enough,I dont like being the wonderchild. In fact, I hate it. I always feel like I'm on display. So I've learned to shut-up. To not always bring up my life. which is sad in a way. I'm not saying I'm not proud of my life. I wouldn't trade my experience for the world. But I will say that it can make social gatherings a bit awkward.

So now, I'm just waiting. Waiting. For God to bring the people He wants into my life. The people I need. The people who will randomly swing dance in the hallways, start singing musicals, ask why I'm laughing when I listen to panto songs and remember all the fun we had in the lounge. People like that.